Mayonnaise Recipe – Family Style!

Mayonnaise recipe

My office chum Chet really needs my family’s mayonnaise recipe.  Last week we had a chat  about kids. All our chats are about kids. This is because Chet’s kids are all Chet ever has to talk about. Chet’s kids keep him so busy in fact, that other than between the work hours of 8AM and 5PM Chet believes he has time for nothing else. This singularity of small talk might be a problem for us were Chet and I to have an actual friendship; but Chet and I are merely “office friends” so the rules of engagement are somewhat more lax.

And besides, I like it.

Chet will describe the not-so-exciting tribulations of his three children (ages of 5, 12 and 16) in remarkable detail and I make mental notes on the many milestones my baby niece will someday bust past. Were it not for our weekly Chet chats I wouldn’t know things such as as at what age girl’s soccer practice begins, how much a math tutor costs, or what happens when a toddler takes a crap in the community pool.

Chet in turn will hear me rattle on about how difficult it is to get into the new hot-spot restaurants we’ve been wanting to try out, how there just isn’t enough time to see all the shows on our New York City list, and how long it has taken us to find just the right shade of red to paint our guest bathroom.

Neither of us would trade lives permanently with the other no matter how tempting that might be at times. (Nope, not at all tempting.) Our infrequent water cooler exchanges, however, vicariously give us enough flavor of the other’s life to feel gratitude and go home to embrace our choices.

Mayonnaise recipe

Not surprisingly, last week’s discussion centered entirely around Chet’s kids. Chet seemed tired (what’s new?) and revealed just how much there is for him to do around the house each night. Laundry folding, cleaning the dishes left from breakfast, resetting the coffee maker for the next day, feeding the dog, setting the table for dinner, and helping his two youngest with their homework.  I suggested to him that one way of coping would be to add a few of these responsibilities to the kid’s chores STAT! One man’s family is another man’s workforce after all.

Chet seemed reticent to add anything to what he though was their already full daily task list.

“My kids already do a lot around the house,” he protested. “We want them to have free time to do some things they enjoy doing.”

 “Argue for your children’s limitations, and sure enough, they’re theirs,”

I somewhat awkwardly paraphrased  a favorite Richard Bach quote, not sounding quite as wise as I wanted to. I couldn’t help but wonder just what after-school tasks took so much of their time that they couldn’t feed the dog without sacrificing the dance lessons or soccer practices Chet taxi’d his kids to and from each weekend?

Time must really stand still when children aren’t in your life because Chet’s chore list for his kids wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to hear. Nobody told me life for kids had changed this much from when I was young.

Chet’s oldest is a 16 year old girl who wants to be a bio major or a corporate economist one day.  She is in charge of the family’s Twitter and Facebook feeds.  Seriously. She contributes to the family and earns her gas money by posting the social media updates grandma and grandpa use to know what they are all up to. She is known as the family “curator” manages the the family photo library and performs the system backups before getting her allowance each week. Family members hand their photo memory cards to Chet’s “little girl” and she transfers the photos and populates the various online albums for family and friends. She’ll update your operating system’s security update patches and refills the family’s two printers with paper and inkjet cartridges whenever needed. Having trouble connecting to the WiFi network? Call Chet’s little girl Geek Squad.

I suppose I understand how she might not leave much so time left for doing dishes and helping with her sister’s homework. But, um, Chet’s family has a Twitter feed?  Huh?

Far be it from me to throw judgement at what passes for family chores. Certainly I had my share of oddball childhood chores. Weed pulling on Saturdays would generate so much pissing and moaning on my part that my parents nearly filed for emancipation. I am eternally grateful for other unique chores my parents gave me, even though they would today have interested Child Protective Services.  (I wonder which of my parents dreamt up bartending for cocktail parties as my chore?)

Oh, I still had to feed the dog each day and pick up her poo in the side yard, babysit my little brother and my twin sister (long story), and more of the common tasks kids get asked to do. Having extra-curricular ways to contribute to the family taught me the different life skills I would need later. Skills such as knowing how Mrs. Katsokopolis likes her martinis. (Dirty, two olives.)

So, um,  what does any of this have to do with mayonnaise?

The Family Mayonnaise Recipe

One of my favorite household responsibilities was to make the family mayonnaise. Seriously, this was one of my “chores” although really, it was no chore at all.

I am no doubt responsible for producing more more jars of home-made mayonnaise than there were weeds pulled from the garden.  One fateful day Mom learned that store-bought mayonnaise was full of crappy oils and, well,  that was that. She figured out how to make our own mayonnaise recipe with better oils and then how to lightly season it for flavor and variety.  One taste of the home-made mayo and that sealed the deal. No more store bought.  Ever.

She taught me.  I made a jar (sometime more) each weekend.  For years.

Thanks Mom!

Now what can I get you to drink?

Mayonnaise Recipe
adapted from my mom’s mayonnaise recipe

The Family Mayonnaise Recipe

Prep Time: 1 minute

Cook Time: 5 minutes

6 minutes

Yield: 1 8 oz. Jar

Serving Size: 1 Tablespoon

The Family Mayonnaise Recipe

The secret to getting a good mayo every time is to let the first ingredients emulsify with a single tablespoon of oil with the spinning processor blade for several seconds before you start adding the rest of the oil. Do not rush adding the oil as adding the oil too fast will cause a runny mess or a separation of the ingredients. "Broken mayonnaise" hardly ever happens when pour slow enough. Use this food processor method so I don't have to tell you how to fix it. It is fixable, but that is what Google is for.

This is what you will need:

  • 2 egg yolks
  • 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
  • 1 Tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1 cup grapeseed oil or safflower oil
  • kosher salt and ground pepper

This is how you make it:

  1. Put eggs in a food processor fitted with the metal blade. Add the mustard and lemon juice and pulse to mix. With the motor running, add 1 tablespoon of the oil and wait 10 seconds until you begin adding the rest of the oil in a s-l-o-w and steady stream. Practically a dribble. By the time you have finished pouring the oil the mixture will become a luxurious, emulsified mayonnaise ready to be seasoned with salt and pepper to taste.
  2. Now go feed the dog and take out the trash before your father gets home.
https://sisboomblog.com/mayonnaise-recipe/

About Trevor Kensey

I don't know what “Sis. Boom. [blog!]" means either. But, if a post makes even a small 'boom' in your day, I would be happy. Please don't call me a "foodie", or even a food blogger. I prefer "food raconteur" thank you very much.
Each bite tells a story...

Previous Post:
Next Post:

  1. When chums like Chet prattle on about their kids it usually only serves to make me glad I don’t have any. Who knew you could actually learn lessons from it??

    You know, as delicious as it is it’s very hard to make something of this color and consistency look appetizing but I must say you’ve done it and then some. Ah, the family mayonnaise. That really brings back memories.

  2. Brilliant–I did not even mind waiting until you got around to the mayo.

    We also know people whose lives revolve exclusively around their kids (booorrriiinng). When Stefan and I were mulling over the baby-now or baby-later (which would have meant given my age perhaps baby-never) decision I decreed that we needed to stop spending as much time with them. Thank goodness I was right–it does not have to be like that. And having (barely) survived infanthood and toddlerhood, I cannot imagine life without my smartass lady-who-likes-to-lunch daughter. However, making mayo and mixing cocktails will certainly improve her. On my list.

  3. Is there an easy way to paturize the eggs at home? I don’t really want to eat raw eggs.

    • Unfortunately there is no way to home pasteurize eggs. I know you can get them ‘in shell’ at some markets. For what it is worth I do think the raw egg fear is overstated. I think I take more risks driving the freeway than getting sick from a supermarket egg. But that is just me.

  4. Nothing better than homemade mayonnaise – I like the way your mother thinks.

    Poor Chet will have no life at all when the kids grow up and move away.

  5. Wonderful post, Trevor! I knew you’d get to the point eventually – what is it they say: half the fun is getting there! I love mayonnaise so will definitely try this. I’m sure glad I don’t have kids, either – modern-day chores are quite a bit different, aren’t they?

  6. I guess I don’t understand the point of this story. You know this guy who’s raising baby goats, right? But 16 sounds awfully old for a goat. But what do I know. He must live on a farm. No wonder there are so many chores to do after he get home from work. GREG

  7. Hey, connecting random seemingly non-related points is what I do. I think its a solid strategy…

    As a parent, I am strongly in favor of child labor. They have to start earning their keep sometime, right? (They are also my retirement plan – they have been put on notice. I figure that the reason I had them so young was so that they would be well-established and able to keep me in the manner to which I have grown accustomed to when I have passed over the proverbial hill.)

    • Cher, your order out of randomness has always appealed to me! And I like your strategy. Start young enough and you will have grandchildren at the ready as well. I can’t wait to see how my cat provides when I am old(er) and gray(er).

  8. I LOVE IT

  9. Ooooh what a great story!!! You tell Chet what’s up, give him a taste of the Trevorhood flava flav. I can’t believe you used to make the family’s mayo as a chore! What the hay! Must be why you turned out so good. Also, love how you served it in an avo.

  10. A family facebook page and twitter account???? Just plain craziness. I’m certain there is at least another Chet post to come…and I hope he’s not representative of parenting today, yikes. But on a happier note, bless your mom for making her own mayo. It sounds heavenly!

  11. There is not one person in the world who wants to know what I am doing every moment so although I have a Twitter account, I never use it and I don’t think anyone belongs to it. As for Instagram, I’m not sure if they are going to “own” our pictures or “borrow” our pictures or if they gave that up as a bad idea. Will you ask Chet to question his child about that? Somehow I believe Chet is more interested in your life than you realize. You’re a good guy to listen and you’re even a better guy to share this recipe. It’s all about the “pour”, isn’t it? Have a Merry Christmas and hopefully you’re enjoying some time off from office friends and the office.

  12. I think those of us without children are contributing to the ‘village’ by allowing parents to get a word in edgewise – poor Chet probably never gets to talk much at home…

  13. WTF…managing the family twitter account? I want to be a kid again! 🙂 This mayo looks delish. I make something very similar, of course, but use olive oil (not extra virgin). I’m going to try it with different oils.

    • I think you will really like it with safflower or grape seed oils Grub. Much lighter and it lets the other subtle flavor out. I like it ‘bright’ with lemon juice but its also good with a tad of white wine vin.

  14. I was tempted to breeze through the Family Mayonnaise post. So glad I didn’t. That story is hilarious. Hubs and I have a no kid household (3 cats) and it’s so totally unrelatable to our friends with kids. But that’s A-Okay! I guess times have changed when a “chore” is managing your families social media. I too did a lot of griping about pulling weeds, doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry and the dreaded chore of ironing as a kid. My brother was the lucky recipient of dog poop patrol along with mowing the lawn. It makes me feel old to make these comparisons to today’s world! The mayonnaise recipe is fantastic. Going on my cooking bucket list.

    • I’m glad you didn’t breeze through either! People who do miss most of the point of this blog since just about ever recipe is found in abundance elsewhere. Just without the Sis. Boom.

  15. Things sure have changed since I was a kid…who has a family twitter account? What happened to loading the dishwasher and walking the dog? I love that you made the family mayonnaise…you must have always had a love for cooking! I will have to give your mayonnaise a try…looks so yummy! Wishing you a very Happy New Year, Trevor!

    BTW…Loved your card…thanks!

  16. I.Heart.Mayo. I am psyched to try this. I made aioli once and it was great, but it was like restaurant size amounts. When I tried to do a 1/6 recipe it just did not work. Thanks!

  17. Who knew mayo could be so easy? I tried it once and it was a complete disaster…but the instructions did not discuss how slowly one must add the oil. When I am chatting with my no-kid friends, I make an effort ask questions about their lives and not prattle on about kid stuff the whole time. It is hard though, because kids *do* take up most of your time!

*