Mayonnaise Recipe – Family Style!

Mayonnaise recipe

Chet, my office chum, needs my family mayonnaise recipe.  He and I had a chat last week about kids. All chats with Chet are about kids because Chet’s kids are all Chet ever has to talk about. Chet’s kids keep him so busy that other than during the working hours of 8 and 5 he believes he has time for nothing else. This singularity of our small talk might be a problem were we to have an actual friendship but Chet and I are merely “office friends” and the rules of engagement for these friendships are somewhat more lax.

Besides, I like it.

Chet gets to describe the antics and the often not-so-exciting tribulations of his three children (ages of 5, 12 and 16) in such remarkable detail and I can make mental notes on the many future milestones my baby niece will soon bust past. Were it not for my weekly Chet chats I probably wouldn’t know at what age girl’s soccer practice begins, how much a math tutor costs, or what happens when a toddler takes a crap in the community pool during his swimming lessons.

Chet in turn gets to hear me rattle on about how hard it is to get into all the new restaurants we’ve been wanting to try, how there isn’t enough time during our jaunts to New York City to see all the shows on our list, and how hard it has been to find just the exact shade of red we want to paint our bathroom.  Oh….and of course the funny stunt our cat pulled last night.

I”m sure neither of us would want to trade lives permanently with the other (especially me) no matter how tempting that might be at times. (Not at all tempting.) Our infrequent water cooler exchanges, however, vicariously give us enough taste of the other’s life to gratefully go home and embrace our choices.

Mayonnaise recipe

Last week’s discussion not surprisingly centered around kids once gain. Chet seemed tired (again) and revealed (again) about how much there is for him to do around the house each night after getting home from work. Laundry folding, cleaning the dishes left from breakfast, resetting the coffee maker for the next day, feeding the dog, setting the table for dinner, and helping his two youngest with their homework.You know the drill. I suggested that one way of coping would be to add a few of these responsibilities to the kid’s chores STAT! One man’s family is another man’s workforce after all.

Chet seemed reticent to add anything to what he though was their already full daily task list.

“My kids already do a lot around the house,” he protested. “We want them to have free time to do some things they enjoy doing.”

 ”Argue for your children’s limitations, and sure enough, they’re theirs,”

I awkwardly answered him back by paraphrasing one of my favorite Richard Bach quotes, not sounding quite as wise as he. I couldn’t help but wonder just what after school tasks took so much of their time that they couldn’t feed the dog without giving up the dance classes and soccer practices that Chet taxi’d his kids to and from each weekend?

Time must really stand still when children aren’t in your life because Chet’s chore list for his kids wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to hear. Its a testament to the times we live in.. Nobody told me life had changed this much from when I was young.

Chet’s oldest, a 16 year old girl who wants to be a bio major or a corporate economist one day, is in charge of the family’s Twitter and Facebook feeds. She contributes to the family and earns her gas money by posting no fewer than 3 updates a day so grandma and grandpa know what they are all up to. She is also known as the family “curator” and must manage the the family photo library and system backups before getting her allowance each week. Family members can hand their photo memory cards to Chet’s “little girl” and she transfers the photos and populates the various online albums for family and friends. She’ll update your operating system’s security update patches (Windows only) and refills the family’s two printers with paper and inkjet cartridges whenever needed. Having trouble connecting to the WiFi network? Call Charise. Chet’s Geek Squad.

I guess I can now see how why she might might not leave much time left for doing the dishes and helping her sister with her homework. Oh, and Chet’s family has a Twitter feed?  Huh?

Far be it from me however to throw judgement at what should pass for family chores. Certainly I have had my share of oddball childhood chores. Some of them, like weed pulling on Saturdays, would generate much pissing and moaning on my part. Others  fascinated me and would portend to future passions. For instance I am forever in debt to whichever parent dreamt up making it my job to bar-tend when they hosted their dinner or cocktail parties.

Oh, I still had to feed the dog each day, pick up her poo in the side yard, babysit my little brother and twin sister (I know), and many more of the common tasks kids get asked to do. Having these extra-curricular ways to contribute to the family, however, taught me different sorts of life skills. Skills like knowing how Mrs. Katsokopolis likes her martinis. (Dirty, two olives.)

So what does any of this have to do with mayonnaise? (Do you still ask these questions here?)

The Family Mayonnaise Recipe

In addition to all of the childhood chores so far mentioned, one of my favorite household responsibilities was to make the family mayonnaise. Seriously, this was one of my “chores” although it was no chore at all.

I am probably responsible for more more jars of home-made mayonnaise than there were weeds pulled from my mother’s garden.  Mom one day learned that store-bought mayonnaise was full of crappy oils and that was that. She figured out for herself how to make it with better oils and how to season and flavor it for variety.  One taste of home-made and that sealed the deal. No more store bought.  Then she taught me and from that point forward we enjoyed richer, sunnier, healthier mayonnaise.

Thanks Mom!

Now what can I get you to drink?

Mayonnaise Recipe
adapted from my mom’s mayonnaise recipe

The Family Mayonnaise Recipe

Prep Time: 1 minute

Cook Time: 5 minutes

6 minutes

Yield: 1 8 oz. Jar

Serving Size: 1 Tablespoon

The Family Mayonnaise Recipe

The secret to getting a good mayo every time is to let the first ingredients emulsify with a single tablespoon of oil with the spinning processor blade for several seconds before you start adding the rest of the oil. Do not rush adding the oil as adding the oil too fast will cause a runny mess or a separation of the ingredients. "Broken mayonnaise" hardly ever happens when pour slow enough. Use this food processor method so I don't have to tell you how to fix it. It is fixable, but that is what Google is for.

This is what you will need:

  • 2 egg yolks
  • 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
  • 1 Tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1 cup grapeseed oil or safflower oil
  • kosher salt and ground pepper

This is how you make it:

  1. Put eggs in a food processor fitted with the metal blade. Add the mustard and lemon juice and pulse to mix. With the motor running, add 1 tablespoon of the oil and wait 10 seconds until you begin adding the rest of the oil in a s-l-o-w and steady stream. Practically a dribble. By the time you have finished pouring the oil the mixture will become a luxurious, emulsified mayonnaise ready to be seasoned with salt and pepper to taste.
  2. Now go feed the dog and take out the trash before your father gets home.
http://www.sisboomblog.com/2012/12/mayonnaise-recipe/

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About Trevor Kensey

To be truthful, I don't know what “Sis. Boom. [blog!]" means either. The name implies something explosive just happened I suppose I would like it if each post would make made a small 'boom' in your day or at least a fizzle. Even though a recipe is included with every post I have a hard time calling this a "food blog" or even myself a "food blogger".

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  1. When chums like Chet prattle on about their kids it usually only serves to make me glad I don’t have any. Who knew you could actually learn lessons from it??

    You know, as delicious as it is it’s very hard to make something of this color and consistency look appetizing but I must say you’ve done it and then some. Ah, the family mayonnaise. That really brings back memories.

  2. Brilliant–I did not even mind waiting until you got around to the mayo.

    We also know people whose lives revolve exclusively around their kids (booorrriiinng). When Stefan and I were mulling over the baby-now or baby-later (which would have meant given my age perhaps baby-never) decision I decreed that we needed to stop spending as much time with them. Thank goodness I was right–it does not have to be like that. And having (barely) survived infanthood and toddlerhood, I cannot imagine life without my smartass lady-who-likes-to-lunch daughter. However, making mayo and mixing cocktails will certainly improve her. On my list.

  3. Is there an easy way to paturize the eggs at home? I don’t really want to eat raw eggs.

    • Unfortunately there is no way to home pasteurize eggs. I know you can get them ‘in shell’ at some markets. For what it is worth I do think the raw egg fear is overstated. I think I take more risks driving the freeway than getting sick from a supermarket egg. But that is just me.

  4. Nothing better than homemade mayonnaise – I like the way your mother thinks.

    Poor Chet will have no life at all when the kids grow up and move away.

  5. Wonderful post, Trevor! I knew you’d get to the point eventually – what is it they say: half the fun is getting there! I love mayonnaise so will definitely try this. I’m sure glad I don’t have kids, either – modern-day chores are quite a bit different, aren’t they?

  6. I guess I don’t understand the point of this story. You know this guy who’s raising baby goats, right? But 16 sounds awfully old for a goat. But what do I know. He must live on a farm. No wonder there are so many chores to do after he get home from work. GREG

  7. Hey, connecting random seemingly non-related points is what I do. I think its a solid strategy…

    As a parent, I am strongly in favor of child labor. They have to start earning their keep sometime, right? (They are also my retirement plan – they have been put on notice. I figure that the reason I had them so young was so that they would be well-established and able to keep me in the manner to which I have grown accustomed to when I have passed over the proverbial hill.)

    • Cher, your order out of randomness has always appealed to me! And I like your strategy. Start young enough and you will have grandchildren at the ready as well. I can’t wait to see how my cat provides when I am old(er) and gray(er).

  8. I LOVE IT

  9. Ooooh what a great story!!! You tell Chet what’s up, give him a taste of the Trevorhood flava flav. I can’t believe you used to make the family’s mayo as a chore! What the hay! Must be why you turned out so good. Also, love how you served it in an avo.

  10. A family facebook page and twitter account???? Just plain craziness. I’m certain there is at least another Chet post to come…and I hope he’s not representative of parenting today, yikes. But on a happier note, bless your mom for making her own mayo. It sounds heavenly!

  11. There is not one person in the world who wants to know what I am doing every moment so although I have a Twitter account, I never use it and I don’t think anyone belongs to it. As for Instagram, I’m not sure if they are going to “own” our pictures or “borrow” our pictures or if they gave that up as a bad idea. Will you ask Chet to question his child about that? Somehow I believe Chet is more interested in your life than you realize. You’re a good guy to listen and you’re even a better guy to share this recipe. It’s all about the “pour”, isn’t it? Have a Merry Christmas and hopefully you’re enjoying some time off from office friends and the office.

  12. I think those of us without children are contributing to the ‘village’ by allowing parents to get a word in edgewise – poor Chet probably never gets to talk much at home…

  13. WTF…managing the family twitter account? I want to be a kid again! :) This mayo looks delish. I make something very similar, of course, but use olive oil (not extra virgin). I’m going to try it with different oils.

    • I think you will really like it with safflower or grape seed oils Grub. Much lighter and it lets the other subtle flavor out. I like it ‘bright’ with lemon juice but its also good with a tad of white wine vin.

  14. I was tempted to breeze through the Family Mayonnaise post. So glad I didn’t. That story is hilarious. Hubs and I have a no kid household (3 cats) and it’s so totally unrelatable to our friends with kids. But that’s A-Okay! I guess times have changed when a “chore” is managing your families social media. I too did a lot of griping about pulling weeds, doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry and the dreaded chore of ironing as a kid. My brother was the lucky recipient of dog poop patrol along with mowing the lawn. It makes me feel old to make these comparisons to today’s world! The mayonnaise recipe is fantastic. Going on my cooking bucket list.

    • I’m glad you didn’t breeze through either! People who do miss most of the point of this blog since just about ever recipe is found in abundance elsewhere. Just without the Sis. Boom.

  15. Things sure have changed since I was a kid…who has a family twitter account? What happened to loading the dishwasher and walking the dog? I love that you made the family mayonnaise…you must have always had a love for cooking! I will have to give your mayonnaise a try…looks so yummy! Wishing you a very Happy New Year, Trevor!

    BTW…Loved your card…thanks!

  16. I.Heart.Mayo. I am psyched to try this. I made aioli once and it was great, but it was like restaurant size amounts. When I tried to do a 1/6 recipe it just did not work. Thanks!

  17. Who knew mayo could be so easy? I tried it once and it was a complete disaster…but the instructions did not discuss how slowly one must add the oil. When I am chatting with my no-kid friends, I make an effort ask questions about their lives and not prattle on about kid stuff the whole time. It is hard though, because kids *do* take up most of your time!

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